


Murdoc Niccals Goes to Hell

by Marsh_Daisy



Series: "What Time is it in Darwin?" [7]
Category: Gorillaz
Genre: F/M, Humor, My OCs have taken over, Not Canon Compliant, Romance, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:21:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28368324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marsh_Daisy/pseuds/Marsh_Daisy
Summary: Russ is selling his sauce and living his best life.Noodle is heading to another environmental summit and a new home.2D is flying back to Lily, his implings, and the petting zoo.Murdoc is just … gone.And Kimberly. Is. Pissed.
Relationships: Murdoc Niccals/Original Female Character(s)
Series: "What Time is it in Darwin?" [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2069307
Kudos: 2





	Murdoc Niccals Goes to Hell

I have spent most of my life calling, casting out, communicating with, manifesting, and meddling in the spirit realms. I’m good at it.

It’s not so easy on the Earthly Plane. I have less control. I can’t save my loved ones by just asking a celestial to do my bidding. All I can do is offer love and support - and lots of wine.

I selected two bottles to take outside. The back door slammed and heavy footfalls approached. My beloved beast, my Murdoc. “Wine appears and he appears,” I said, waiting. He came up behind me and slid his hands around my waist, brushing my breasts with his thumbs. I turned to him and raised my face for a kiss. He bent toward me but at the last moment he went for my ear and bit my earlobe. “My monster is trying to get something started. We do have guests.”

He licked my ear and then kissed my neck, pushing my hair back over my shoulder. “Never consider it getting something started. Just continuing. From the last time, which was a continuation from the time before.”

“We could trace it all the way to that dent in the wall of the back hallway, couldn’t we? Just one long, drawn out act of lust and violence?”

“With occasional bathroom breaks. And frequent addition of alcohol,” he added, grabbing the two bottles of wine I had sitting out. He headed for the back door.

*****************

2D had apparently opted to stay inside. Noodle was in the hot tub, on her phone. “I'm looking forward to seeing her again. Thanks, Deborah. I'll check that itinerary out right away.” She looked thoughtful as she set her phone down on her towel.

“That sounded promising,” I said as I slipped into the water. Murdoc handed each of us a glass.

“It might be. Your opinion, Kimberly: Do you think most things are just chance? Or is there some divine plan?”

“The plans of the divine don’t always go so well. Too many contingencies in the form of free will.”

Conversation wandered here and there. Eventually Murdoc headed up to bed. He kissed my shoulder and whispered, “I’ll be getting ready for you.”

I watched him go, then said to Noodle, “I think I’ve had enough heat. Would you like to cool off on the dock?”

We grabbed our towels and headed down.

“Is this where all the most significant conversations take place?” she mused.

“You know, honestly it is. There’s something soothing about the river - I bought this house because of it. Even the murmur of traffic over the bridge sounds comforting to me. Life going about its business.”

“We sat down here at your picnic. I asked him questions I had no business asking, and got answers I didn’t want to hear.”

“I know. Aphrodite, it’s an age old way of dealing with heartbreak. Fastest way to get over someone -”

“- is to get under someone. Murdoc suggested the same to me. That’s really all it takes to move on?”

“Everyone copes in a different way. Some people need a distraction, some people plunge into something new, some people isolate themselves. In the end it all comes down to time. But we have to remember that time is relative.” 

“That means I can say it’s bedtime whenever I please, then.” She stood and stretched, and we headed into the house.

I went upstairs where my love was waiting for me.

I found my Asmodeos had indeed started without me, and in fact was fairly close to finished. I stripped out of my wet suit and tossed it in the shower and then flung myself down on the bed to watch. There’s something about the way a man touches himself that drives me insane. Those big strong hands, the gentle motion that becomes more intense with every stroke. And I can see his face as the pleasure builds to the breaking point; I’m not always paying attention to his expression when we’re fucking. He looked at me and asked, “watching or helping?” 

“Watching. And helping myself.”

He kept going, varying his grip when his hand got tired. I sat up cross-legged and reached between my thighs. I slipped a finger inside myself to find some wetness to trail upward. He quickened his pace as he watched me. I reached over and placed my finger against his lips, and he began to suck on it. Then he bit down and came immediately. I climbed on top of him so I could press my body against his and kiss him as he drifted back down. He murmured, “I’m finishing you, though,” and I crawled forward. His tongue took over and he held onto my hips to keep me where he wanted me. Once one orgasm hits me, the next ones follow hard and fast. He wouldn’t let go of me until I came three times, then I toppled over and laid next to him with my leg over his chest.

I held up my finger. “Look what you did to me.” I showed him the bite mark.

“Mmm- your fault. You put it in my mouth and you should have known what would happen.”

I wiggled it in front of his face. “Kiss it better.”

He grinned and licked it, kissed it, and bit it again even harder. “Now, what have we learned?”

“That you always know what I’m really asking for.”

******************

Morning arrived, as it has the hideous tendency of doing. My snake gave me what I needed to start my day: there is no excuse to let something so solid go to waste. Quick showers and then down for breakfast.

We found Noodle already eating. She gestured toward the coffee maker, and I poured two cups. “Got a plan for today, Venus, or are you leaving your Kimberly in control?”

My monster mumbled, “I know which I would advise.”

“Nothing today. I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon. That was what Deborah and I were discussing last night. Off to Scandinavia, then Scotland." She took a sip of coffee. "I think I'm going to look for a place to live there. Probably Edinburgh.”

“That’s wonderful! I’ll get some movers here and take care of packing everything up. Then as soon as you have an address for me, we’ll get you settled right in. I can’t wait to visit. I’ve never been to Scotland.”

“I would love that. And I’ll be back here as often as I can. I promise.”

2D wandered in and Noodle poured him a cup of coffee. He plopped down on the stool next to me. “Today is my first unscheduled day but I have a feeling it’s being scheduled right now.”

“Welcome to my world,” my beast said, smirking.

I wrinkled my nose at him. “You choose to let me, so who’s really to blame, Belphegor?” I turned back to Noodle and 2D. “I was thinking of visiting Bab. I have a hankering to hold that baby.”

“I’d love to see her,” Noodle nodded.

2D yawned. “I wanna do as much nothing as possible. You have a way of wearing a man out.”

“Again, I say-” My snake was almost laughing.

“Again, I say: You choose to let me. I’ll call Bab and see if she has anything going on.”

Bab was more than happy to have company. When we arrived she was giving Maurice a bottle. There is nothing in the world as sweet as a baby, even if the first thing he did was spit up on my shoulder. 2D cuddled him for a while, walking around the yard chatting to Maurice, who gazed up at him in fascination. Must be the hair. We had lunch with Russ at one of his trucks, and then went home. Noodle took one of the kayaks out while 2D and I sat by the pool and talked. Noodle and I made dinner, after sending my beast out to pick up ingredients for a seafood chowder. It turned out better than I expected. The entire day had, for that matter.

******************

I rose early to drive 2D to the airport. He headed back to England with bags of gifts for Lily and all of his implings. 

“I’ll miss you, Apollo. I’m so happy you let me treat you to this trip. You are a wonderful traveling companion.”

“I had so much fun. I really did. Thank you. Next time you come visit- I'll find a travel website or something and you can plan a trip for us."

One last hug and my friend was gone.

Noodle hung around for lunch and then she was off to Copenhagen. 

“In my new place I’ll keep a line of packed cases so I can just exchange one for the other as soon as I walk in.”

“Not a bad idea, Abeona.” I hugged her tightly and said, "I’ll miss you."

"I’ll miss you too. Being here made things easier to bear. Thank you." She kissed my cheek and headed out the door with her favorite chauffeur, Murdoc.

I walked through my house. It felt so big and so empty. Somewhere along the line I had become accustomed to having people around. I curled up on the couch and checked my schedule. Packed Monday. I made notes on supplies and references I needed to look at to polish up some recitations. Then I fell asleep.

When I woke a couple hours later I felt out of sorts. Afternoon naps are dangerous things. I wandered into the kitchen, rubbing my eyes. Murdoc was sitting at the kitchen counter, reading a magazine.

I slipped over and wrapped my arms around him from behind. “Why didn’t you wake me up, my snake?”

“Kimberly.”

His use of my name put me on high alert.

“Asmodeus, are you all right?”

He turned on the stool, then stood up to hold me. I leaned my head against his chest. His heart was thumping along a little faster than usual- at least while upright and fully dressed.

“Noodle said she learned a lot from living with us. About respect and passion.” He was silent for a moment. “About love. She said love.”

I stroked the back of his neck and ran my fingers through his thick black hair. “This troubles you?”

He fell silent again, then pushed me back a bit so he could look at my face. “Is that what this is?”

“For me, Asmodeus- Yes. Yes, it is.”

“You never said.”

“Not everything needs to be said. Some things need to be heard. Do you need to hear it?”

He nodded slowly.

I placed my hand on his cheek.

“I love you, Murdoc.”

He closed his eyes. “Do you need to hear it?”

“Do you want to say it?”

“Kimberly.” A deep breath. “I love you.”

Tender usually isn’t on the menu for us, but there’s no other way to describe the way he kissed me then. And tender never applies to us once things move beyond, but there’s no other way to describe that either: softness in his touch and restraint in his movements.

A sort of spiritual release happened when those words passed our lips. Sometimes for every word we speak, a million more flood our minds and hearts, and it takes time to sort them.

As I rested in his arms my Leviathan spoke. “You want this for good? Rest of our lives sort of thing?”

“My beloved, I’ll have you even longer than that. Yes. Stay with me always.”

“I’ll never get a better offer. I still get to beat the hell out of you, right?”

“This changes nothing. We’ve just acknowledged something we both already knew.”

He was quiet for a moment. “I didn’t know.”

"I will keep telling you, if you need to hear it, until there isn’t a doubt left in your mind.”

We headed upstairs and engaged in some rougher exertions, and before we fell asleep, I made sure to tell him once more, so he could carry it with him into his dreams.

******************

Monday morning I went straight to the shower, since my first client was at 10:00. Murdoc was out cold. Downstairs I found coffee ready and a plate of fruit cut up for me. I walked down and peeked into Greta’s office. She looked up from her desk and smiled. "How was your weekend?"

"Pretty good. Got 2D back to his sweetheart and Noodle off on her next adventure. Thank you for breakfast. I see I have a busy day ahead.”

She nodded. “Pretty packed. Sorry about that last one. He seems a loser but I named a ridiculous fee just for meeting with you and he agreed to it.”

“You’re the best. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, then.”

I went into my library and read over a couple ritual recommendations, and then headed out to Port Jefferson.

This house was in need of an exorcism; I could smell the damn thing as soon as I walked in. The nervous family thought it was a poltergeist. They’ve read that nonsense about poltergeists being drawn to angsty teenagers. The teenager in question, their 16 year old daughter Ava, was certainly as good a candidate for the title as any. I walked about the house a bit, and then asked if I could talk to Ava alone. Mr. and Mrs. Pilarski were not wild about the idea, but I let them know it was vital if I was to get to the source of the activity. They reluctantly moved into the next room.

I sat in an armchair and regarded the teenager on the couch. Arms folded, face wary.

“Ava. You’re wasting your talent with this nonsense.”

Her eyes widened but she said nothing.

“A three year old could summon a demon of this level. And now you have it here you can’t get it out. With a little bit of training you could be shuttling demons back and forth with ease. But don’t mess around with this until you’re trained. Understand that.”

She started to speak, but I stopped her.

“You're about to ask me how I know. The reason I’m here is because I know these things.” I softened my tone. “How did you summon it?”

“Book. My friend gave it to me. Supposed to be an ancient spellbook.”

“Fact is the ancients didn’t write things down nearly as often as people seem to think. Do you still have it?”

She nodded.

“Run and get it, please.”

Mr. and Mrs. Pilarski appeared to hover in the doorway she had just dashed through.

I smiled at them. “I’m going to need Ava’s help, since the poltergeist is attracted to her energy. It’s not negative energy - that’s a dangerous fallacy. It’s more confusion and anxiety, like any teenager. A good counselor would make her a happier person. Which- will prevent future infestations, of course. For now, best for you to wait outside.”

They departed through the back door, Mrs. Pilarski casting a doubtful look over her shoulder.

Ava popped in with the book, having wisely waited until her parents were safely out of the house.

I rolled up the area rug and Ava helped me push it aside. I opened my Gucci bag and started removing items and explaining each one to her. She watched intently while I chalked the circle and wrote the names inside.

“You have to be very precise with names. You can see this symbol here- that lets them know I’m not summoning anyone, but asking for help casting out one who does not belong here. Those I ask will know who to send.” I let her light the candles and held up the bell for her to ring. She was shaking as she did so.

“Honey, you did this, and you’re going to help undo it. A person needs to take responsibility for their actions. I’m right here and I promise nothing bad will happen to you.”

She rang the bell: A flat. It made its usual clamor. 

I began reciting. “You who have been invited are hereby given directive to depart. The petitioner does not require your assistance, nor desire your company. I call upon Barbarricia, Alichino, and Calcabrina, to escort this demon from this home, and return it to the Lower Planes. Our gift shall be blood.”

A little bit of smoke fizzled in the circle. “I call upon Cagnozzo, Libicocco, and Ciriato, to escort this demon from this home, and return it to the Lower Planes. Our gift shall be blood.”

I should have known. A brighter and more serious puff of smoke darkened the circle.

“Urdek, for the love of all that’s evil, why?”

Urdek looked a little hurt. “Nice to see you too, Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson. Could you have been more specific? You called in six escorts!”

“Well, the first three weren’t picking up.”

“Calcabrina chose me. I was sort of jumping around waving my hand, to be honest. I wanted a visit with a friend - and that’s how you greet me.” He sniffed.

“All right, sweetness, I’m sorry. Can you do the job?”

“No problem. Payment in advance.” 

“Now who's being rude? You don’t trust me?” I was teasing; I already had the tupperware out and was setting it inside the circle.

He opened and sniffed. “Fresh. Much better." He opened his mouth and bellowed, "Right, let’s go!” in no particular direction. It took a moment, but a black, fuzzy, pulsating light drifted down the stairs and into the circle.

“I was summoned, you know,” it said petulantly.

“And now you’re being asked to go.”

It resolved itself into a small, grumpy looking impling. He pointed at me. “ _ She _ called me low-level.”

“Show some respect. This is Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson. You should feel honored to meet her. Besides, we all start at the bottom. Nowhere to go but up!” Urdek said brightly, “I myself have been taking night classes!”

He turned back to me and gave a little wave.

“Goodbye, Urdek - and thank you for your help. How is Marmaduke? Still loving his school?”

“Goodness, yes. He and his little friends just love that-” He noticed my expression- “wonderful human person who takes care of them.”

“Give them all my love, please,” I said.

“And you give my regards to Mr. McNiccols!”

“You’re getting closer, Urdek. It’s Murdoc Niccals. My beloved beast.”

“Gross,” said Urdek, and disappeared with a bang.

Ava, looking drained, asked, “Are they all that chatty? It’s exhausting.”

“Well, Urdek is a friend of mine, so it’s always nice to catch up.” I picked up the book. “I’ll be taking this with me.” I opened my bag, located my wallet, and handed her a twenty. "More than it’s worth, by far. Tell your friend you lost it, and pay her for it.”

“I will.”

“And stay out of this. When you hit 18, come see me. You have a gift, but you’re not ready to use it yet. When you are, I will show you wonders, child. You can call your parents back in, now.”

Mr. and Mrs. Pilarski came in, looking pale. “We heard booming and a lot of talking. Is everything okay? Is it done?”

"Yup. All good."

A nice morning. I got to see a friend, meet a young woman exceedingly gifted in the arcane, and deposit an insane amount of money in my checking account. Life was good.

*****************

After this very satisfying adventure I ate lunch in Huntington and then headed to Newark for a summoning. These people were as kind as the day was long. Their lovely daughter was leaving to join Doctors Without Borders and they wanted a celestial blessing. Their pride in her was so touching. I knew that pride. I felt as blessed as she was when I left, and I called Murdoc to tell him about it on my way to my next appointment.

“This is a dinner, my sweet salamander, so I might not be home until late. They’re feeling me out to host a regular seance group. I need to know a lot more about them before I agree to something like that, and I’m going to charge them by attendance rather than session.”

“I never feel more proud of you than when you’re taking shameless advantage of fools.”

I laughed. “I’ll see you tonight, Asmodeus.”

The group did indeed prove to be comprised primarily of idiots. They treated me to a meal and pressed a great deal of alcohol on me, which I refused. I have standards. I went over guidelines and warnings, and I don’t think they understood a single word of it. At the end I had to tell them I was not interested in accommodating them. They were disappointed. The man who had originally contacted me made a low-level threat to my business.

“You’re probably nothing but a fraud anyway!”

I raised an eyebrow. “What does that say about you, about to pay me thousands of dollars? If I were a member of your little club here, that would give me pause.”

“I can ruin you, you know!”

I leaned in. “Mr. Kepler, I can summon a demon who will sit on the waistband of your trousers and make disgusting smells and noises all day. Make your move.”

At this point his wife grabbed his arm and forcibly dragged him away, with apologies.

I giggled all the way home.

It was well after midnight. My monster was already asleep, but I woke him up. He’d have been more upset if I didn’t. I’d been a very rude woman and deserved a little punishment. Before we fell asleep, his hand and my ass stinging nicely, I bit his neck and whispered “I love you” in his ear.

****************

Tuesday I woke hoping the day held a bit less driving. My behind was sore, and not because of the spanking. I rolled over and reached for my Leviathan. He wasn't there.

It's not unheard of for Murdoc to be awake before I am, but he rarely gets up. He just lounges around waiting for me to climb on board and greet the new day. 

His spot was still warm, though. Must have headed down for breakfast. I took a quick shower. 

Greta was at the counter, eating an orange and reading the paper. She looked up and smiled. 

"What's on the agenda today?"

"Light day. A meeting with your tax consultant for me, an easy seance for you at noon."

"A light day sounds good." I grabbed another section of the paper. "Have you seen Murdoc?"

"No. I thought he was still upstairs."

"Must be around somewhere. No worries. I'm going to sit outside a bit."

"And it's off to work I go." She gave a little wave and headed down to her office.

I hoped to find my sweet snake having coffee on the dock, but no such luck. He's wandered off before, but he always leaves a note. Apparently that had been a source of friction between him and Noodle. I tried to squash down any feelings of unease.

But by eleven my trepidation was on the rise, and I called him. I got his voicemail. "Hello, Wormwood. I was wondering where you were off to. Call your Kimberly."

I ate a tasteless lunch and gathered up my things. I took a quick pass through the house, trying not to picture all the ways he could have hurt himself. What torture love is.

Nothing. He must have gone out, but why didn't he answer his phone?

Was love the problem? Was this new aspect to our relationship the issue? Unfortunately, he was very much one to run when things got hot. Usually it was pirates, smugglers, demons - that sort of thing. But he was facing something here that he has never dealt with before. Was he having difficulties processing this?

I headed out to the car, troubled, and stood still, staring.

My Mercedes roadster sat in the drive. His sat next to it.

I ran over to the car. It was unlocked. The keys and his phone were lying in the driveway. My heart pounded. My monster - where was my monster?

I picked up his phone and unlocked it. Two messages. One from Russ - band stuff. The other was mine.

If someone had my snake, they were going to regret it deeply. Hell hath no fury like a woman whose Leviathan has been stolen.

Speaking of hell-

Circle. Bell. Smoke.

"Why, hello, Kimberly Sy-"

"Shut up, Urdek. I need your help."

He immediately sat down cross-legged in the circle.

"Murdoc is gone and I need you to help me figure out where he is."

"Oh, no- are you sure? No offense, but- he has rather had some shady- dealings."

"He's shadier than the goddamn dark side of the moon, Urdek! But I found his car unlocked and his keys and phone next to it. Ergo - someone has him. I can check the Earthly Plane and I have someone who can cover the Celestial Realm if need be. I need you to get info down below. Now."

"What's my gift?"

"Your head stays attached to your body. Go."

I cancelled my 12:00 with apologies. I asked Greta to reschedule the rest of my week.

"That's going to be difficult, magic lady."

"Tell them I'm sick. Tell them I'm dead. Tell them I've been taken up. I will not be available."

She reluctantly opened my planner. "Okay. Have you found Murdoc?"

"That would be why I'm unavailable. He's gone, Greta. Disappeared. I have Urdek looking for him."

She looked up, eyes wide.

"I know your feelings about him." I held her gaze. "I am not accusing you. I know what you're capable of, but I also know what you're not capable of."

She swallowed and nodded slowly.

I scanned the shelves of my library trying to decide what I needed for the biggest locator spell possible. While I ruminated, a boom echoed from the back yard, and Urdek knocked on the glass door. I slid it open.

"Well? Do you have any information?"

"Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson- it is a rumor - but I believe it-"

I wanted to shake him. "TELL ME! What have you found out?"

Urdek whispered, "He's in Hell."

******************

Part of me was expecting it. A much larger part of me wasn't, and that was the part that sank into a chair in shock and fury.

Urdek walked over to stand next to me. "I asked Gathiod and he told me Ral-Veth said they heard Uzgrup the Lemony say that Mr. Niccals had been taken. No one seemed to know why."

I warned my love he had no idea what he was doing when he dealt with The Devil all those years ago. But why would He want him now?

"He's not-" I couldn't finish.

"Oh no- no- he's not dead. They haven't collected his soul. It's his mortal body."

I hadn't been invited. I hadn't been summoned. I hadn't even been asked to tea. But I needed to get down there.

"Urdek. I have need of your escort service."

"Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson! I can't possibly do that! I can't even describe the trouble I'd be in. Can you live with that on your conscience?"

"They took something that belongs to me, Urdek, and I will have it back. I'll protect you. But I need you as an escort. I can't enter the Lower Realm without being invited. I need you." I reached out for his hand. "Think if someone had Marmaduke. Wouldn't you want my help? And you know you would have it, right?"

Urdek started shaking. "My little boy-"

"My love, Urdek! My eternity!" I dropped my voice to a whisper. "Please."

He looked up with resolve in his face. "If you can protect me - I will help you."

I re-drew the circle. We seated ourselves facing one another. Urdek placed his right hand in my left, and his left hand over my right. With one last desperate look at my face, he closed his eyes and we were consumed by smoke.

****************

Hell is an administrative nightmare.

It's not a pit of flame. It's not a frozen lake. It's not all that hot - just kind of humid and irritating.

The offices and levels seem to fade in and out as needed. Urdek was an administrative imp, and was able to wiggle his way up through several levels of very red tape. Moving from place to place involves moving yourself and allowing your surroundings to move around you at the same time.

We were the subject of many whispers and stares. Urdek kept his head high, and moved with a sense of purpose. He negotiated with a few desk sitters, and I heard my name mentioned several times.

We finally arrived at The Door. The lesser imp at the desk looked balefully at Urdek. 

"You must be joking."

"Er'nundon, I have a guest to see Him."

"And Urdek, I have a schedule to adhere to."

"This is an emergency."

"Everyone thinks their business is an emergency."

"Do you know who this is? This is Kimbe-"

"Yes, I know damned well who she is and she needs an appointment like anyone else."

I was over this. 

I strode past both of them and pushed The Door open.

His Throne isn't as fancy as you might think. Fancy is for the celestials, who have a penchant for crystal and gold. His is more bare bones, just a slightly more intricately carved chair. 

He looked up as I entered.

"Hello, darling. You're looking beautiful. How in hell did you get down here?"

"We start with the jokes right away? It's the damnedest thing."

He smiled pleasantly. "What business brings you to the Lower Realm? You must have really wanted to be here."

"You have something of mine. I demand it back."

"Woah- Kimberly. We don't use that sort of language here."

"Demand, Lu. Demand demand demand. I know he's a pain in the ass but he is my pain in the ass and he must be returned to me."

"Oh, is this about that guitar player? That's not my affair. He's not my issue til he's dead."

"Who has him?"

One of His courtiers said, "I heard Belias had him, my Lord."

"Seriously? What for?"

"No idea, sir."

Lucifer rumbled. In a voice as large as a mountain but as quiet as a crystal lake, He said, "BELIAS."

The demon in question appeared in an instant, holding a stein of beer.

"My Lord!" he exclaimed, looking for someplace to set his beer. He finally decided to just hold it and bow as best he could.

"Appears we have an issue, Belias." The Beast of the Bottomless Pit nodded in my direction.

Belias turned. His eyes widened. “You!" he sputtered. "I thought it would take years!" His eye fell on Urdek, still hovering by the doorway. "Someone's been a little snitch, I see. Nasty creature. You will be dealt with." Urdek shrank further back.

"Where is he?"

"You don't seriously think I'm just going to tell you. How stupid do you think I am?"

"How much time have we got?"

He took a long drink of his beer. "I wouldn't be one with the insults. I stole him right from under your nose."

"How? I have-"

"I knew exactly where he was - your obscurements couldn’t hide him. Snitches are useful, when they snitch to me."

It had to be that sulky little demon I cast out - he heard me say Murdoc's name. Damn. "Why? We made a deal and had the charges knocked down. You kept the bass, we gave you blood."

"You tried to buy back his innocence with tainted blood."

"Tainted?" questioned the Lord of the Realm. 

"Animal blood from a butcher shop. As if I wouldn't know." Belias snorted.

Lucifer looked sternly at Urdek. "You really need to be more specific."

Urdek hung his head. "I know," he said with a sigh.

"Oh, please," I laughed. "I never tried to buy back his innocence. He never had any in the first place. That payment was the negotiated terms for the bass. We accepted them. You kept it, he was off the hook.”

"Copped a plea deal. Pitiful. The charge of first degree blasphemy was not something I would have been willing to negotiate."

"That silliness? Come on, Belias. I mean, they are very nice goats."

Belias started to shake in anger. Before he could speak, The Devourer of Worlds spoke quietly. "Calm your tits, Belias. I’ve dealt with thousands of years of your drama, and it's getting old. Do you have her miserable little creature or not?"

"Yes, and she will never get him back!"

Lucifer sighed. "That’s not how it works, Belias, and you know it. There’s a price for everything. Tell her what you want."

"For him to spend the rest of his days cold, alone, and unloved." Belias snarled.

"Seriously,” I said wearily, "cut the evil smile business. You just look constipated. What do you want for him?"

"You can look for the rest of your pitifully short human life but you will never find him."

Lucifer started laughing, but stopped as soon as I looked at Him. "Belias, you pompous ass. Make her a deal or I'll send you up for playground duty at that doofus's daycare."

Belias glared at The Morning Star and said, "Fine. Whatever." He turned on me and worked up a good glower. "Bring a Celestial to the Lower Realm and I will give you back your teensy fool."

Everyone in the room gasped.

I glared back at him. "Done."

More gasps - even from Lu.

"Urdek, if you would be so kind as to escort me back to the Earthly Realm. And darling," I said, turning back to the Father of Lies, "if Belias touches a wart on Urdek's body, throw him in your deepest pit. Urdek has an impling to think of."

Lucifer winked. "You got it, darling."

Belias dropped his beer.

“He didn’t really tattle,” Urdek said earnestly as he walked me out of the Throne Room. “More trying to impress someone by bragging that he knew the two of you. But you mustn’t be angry- he truly didn’t know any better.”

I sighed. “I know. Doesn’t help my situation. They knew where I was, so they knew where he was. My obscurements were useless and they caught him outside without me.” I thought a bit. “Maybe we can get that kid enrolled in the daycare. Be good for him.”

Back up to earth. I had offered Urdek nothing for his help, but he deserved a reward for this particularly dangerous mission. He chortled over the threat to Belias, and I think he may have actually enjoyed himself. I searched the house for something to give him.

“Kimbery Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson, I wonder-” Urdek hesitated by the sliding glass door. “I wonder if- May I have a soak in your hot tub?”

I joined him, and together we killed off a bottle of wine and made fun of the demons we didn't like.

**********************

I needed sleep. It was hard to come by. I missed his warmth. I wanted him on top of me, I wanted him inside me. I cried for a while, then the utter psychic exhaustion hit me. I’d been to hell and back today, after all.

I did feel better in the morning, but the ache from that empty place was worse. I needed my Asmodeus. I would stop at nothing to get him.

8:00 a.m.

The keycode. The door. Place the paper on the counter. Call my name.

“Kimberly?”

Coffee maker. Refrigerator. Humming. Grab an apple from the basket. Fill the cup.

90 seconds for her to make it to the end of the hall and enter her office.

She dropped her coffee.

“Good morning, Greta," I said softly. "We need to talk.” I gestured to the seat I had placed in front of her desk, which I now occupied.

She set down her handbag and briefcase, crossed the room, visibly shaking, and lowered herself slowly into the chair.

“You understood what I meant when I told you I knew what you were capable of.”

She nodded.

“Tell me, Greta.”

“I’m a Celestial,” she whispered. “You knew?”

“I’ve known since I interviewed you 15 years ago.”

“You never said.”

“What difference would it have made? You made a choice to be here. I had no right to question that choice.”

She nodded again, tears in her eyes.

“You know you can’t get back.”

“I thought- if you came to care for me-”

“I know, sweetheart. I know you were hoping I could take you home when I pass.”

“You could. I know you’ll ascend, and then we can spend eternity together.”

“So you were just waiting for me to die. A grim way to spend your mortal lifetime here.”

“Not if I could spend it with you.”

“Oh, sweetheart. I will not ascend. If they will not have my beast, they will not have me. I do love you, Greta, but not the way you want me to. My heart is his, regardless of how undeserving you think him.”

Her disgust showed on her face.

“And regardless of your feelings about him, I need to get him back. And you can help me.”

She eyed me warily. “How?”

“To regain him I need to bring a Celestial to the Lower Realm.”

“No! No! Please- I was wrong, and I’m sorry and I’ll do anything I can to make it up but please, please don’t take me there. You don’t know what they’ll do to me-” 

“I do know. I know what I am asking.” I spoke gently. “Greta. You have a choice. There is always a choice. But you cannot make a choice without having all of the information. Will you listen?”

“Yes. I will,” she whispered.

“I believe I can protect you in the Lower Plane. And I can return you to the Higher Realm. I can take you home. But I need you to take the chance and help me.”

Her fear was visible in her eyes; they had faded to dull grey.

“The risk is real. Demons are liars. He may try to go back on his word. I will fight for you. I have the advantage that the Dark Lord utterly detests Belias and He may intervene on our behalf. Your choice: You can dismiss what I ask, and we will be finished here. You can continue to wait for me to die, knowing you have no chance of spending eternity with me. Or you help me regain my serpent. And I will take you home now. But if I falter, you may be condemned to the Dark Realm.”

“Kimberly. I can’t-”

“Look at me very carefully, Greta. Tell me you doubt me.”

She looked, and her eyes grew wider. She placed a hand over her mouth and stood up. The fear didn’t disappear, but the tension in her face eased. “I don’t doubt you. I trust you. ”

“This is your choice?”

“Yes.”

“Excellent. I have a call to make.”

*********************

“Oh, Kimberly Sybelle Gaetane Aretha Wilson, I don’t know.” Urdek was dismayed. “I didn’t really think you would be able to do this. I can’t protect her, you know.”

“You leave that to me. I can get to the Lower Realm easily this time; I’m expected. But I may need help getting her out. I want you to stay close by, and when I squeeze your hand, you must escort us back to the Earthly Plane as quickly as you can. If I have you, I can devote all my strength to protecting her. I think we can get out faster than he can stop me. But you must stay right by my side and wait for my signal.”

Urdek stood tall and straight and said, “I trust you. You have never let me down. Well, except for that thing with the blood, and I really have forgiven you.”

I turned to Greta. “Stay aware of what’s happening at all times.” 

She had washed her face and combed her hair. I don’t know what the right traveling outfit is for this sort of situation, but her pink skirt and fluffy white sweater was as good as any, I supposed. 

“Do you trust me, Urdek?” 

My bestest imp friend nodded.

“Do you trust me, Greta?”

“I do,” she whispered.

Nothing more to say.

*********************

“You must be joking,” groaned the receptionist. “You were just here yesterday!”

“Well, I’m here again. You failed pitifully at stopping me yesterday, so let’s forgo the nonsense and open that door for us.”

“But I don’t even know who she is!” he whimpered, pointing at Greta. “I’m supposed to get ID, and then issue her a visitor’s pass!”

I shook my head and walked past him into the Throne Room.

He was eating breakfast with some underworld friends. I nodded to Hades, sitting at a chess table with a cup of coffee.

Lucifer choked a little. “Damn, Kimberly! You’re fast!”

I smirked. “Bring me that dung beetle, if you please.”

Again, all the Lord of Darkness had to do was speak his name and Belias appeared. We caught him in the middle of breakfast as well, a spoonful of oatmeal clenched in one pointy hand.

He looked around in bewilderment, then spotted me and Greta.

“No. It’s not possible. Not possible!”

“Yet here I stand. I brought her. Where is he?”

“Let her go first.”

“This isn’t a hostage exchange here, asshole. Where is my beast?”

“Give her to me.”

“Wrong again, potatoes for brains. Your exact words were ‘Bring a Celestial to the Lower Realm and I will give you back your teensy fool’."

Lucifer started laughing. “She’s right! You said bring one. Never said she had to stay! This is too much!”

I winked at Him. “This keeps tripping them up, doesn’t it? Maybe You should have it embroidered on a pillow or something.”

“Shut up," said Belias sulkily. "You will never get her back out anyway. She’s stuck. You lose, Kimberly Sybelle and so forth. You lost!”

I sighed. “You know what, Belias? This is why no one likes you.”

Satan chortled. “You can’t touch the Celestial, Belias. You can’t make her stay. Not while Kimberly stands by her side."

Belias snarled. "Watch me.”

The Morning Star was still laughing. “You’re really fucking up here. Your perception is slipping. This woman is a goddess."

“Oh, stop, darling. Demi-goddess at best. Quasi-goddess. Don’t give me more credit than I deserve. If I could have done all of this myself I would have."

Belias grumbled. “Explains all the meddling. Can’t keep their noses out of anything. Explains your nasty human lover. Can’t keep their dicks out of anything either.”

“That was uncalled for,” muttered Zeus, who was playing chess with Hades.

Lucifer yawned. “Pay up fool. You made a deal and she provided.”

Belias threw his oatmeal spoon on the floor. “He’s on the Earthly Plane, in jail, you stupid bitch-”

That was as far as he got before the Lord of Darkness picked him up and casually flung him against the wall.

“Sorry about that, darling. I won't tolerate that sort of language.”

“No problem, Lu. Got what I need. Promise me my Murdoc will not be touched by any denizen of the Lower Plane ever again. Promise me.”

“Of course, Kimberly. Now get your Celestial out of here, she smells funny. I didn’t want to say anything. Safe journey.”

I blew Him a kiss, grabbed Urdek’s hand, and we were off.

But not before we heard Hades say in a puzzled voice, “Wouldn’t ‘any denizen’ apply to you, Lucifer?”

“Son of a-”

And we were free.

I dropped Urdek’s hand as soon as we reached the Earthly Plane, and kept holding onto Greta until we reached the Higher. A half-dozen official looking celestials hurried toward us.

“Your daughter has returned. You will accept her without question.”

“Oh, of course, Kimber-”

No time for this. I had jails to search.

*********************

“You’re a talented administrative imp, and this is a superb set-up and you will be able to find him, right? You will?”

“Well,” temporized Urdek, spinning in Greta’s recently vacated chair, “There are millions of jails on the Earthly Plane. If you could summon up Zor’annon, that would help a great deal.”

I sighed. “Get started and I’ll go get him.”

And by the end of the afternoon, they found him.

In the Queens Detention Facility. 12 miles away from me. He was being held pending bail. Allowed no calls or visitors. Belias intended him to sit there and rot, knowing I was only minutes away. He would have waited the rest of his life, believing I didn’t care enough to come for him. 

But I found him. I paid his bail. And they brought my snake to me. They took off his handcuffs, and then his arms were around me.

We walked out to the car, and he sat staring at me. “Belias said you knew. Said you would never come for me.”

“Asmodeus, you know me better than that. I went to hell and-”

“You went to hell-”

“And told him to give me back my beast. And here I am.”

He stared at me like he’d never seen me before. I suppose in some ways, he hadn’t. People do tend to underestimate me.

I made him shower as soon as we got home. And grabbed him while he was still dripping. I licked the water off his chest, then slammed him against the glass wall of the shower and bit his shoulder. Then I got down on my knees and showed him how much I missed every last perfect inch of him. He watched me for a few minutes, his hand resting on my head, then stopped me. He pushed me onto my back and I stretched out on the wet soapy tiles. His first thrust felt like a homecoming: yes, my snake, my beast, my love - you're home, this is your home, my body is your home - and I will never let you be taken from me again. 

He leaned down to suck each nipple, then ran his tongue up my neck and bit my ear. I reached behind him to dig my nails into his ass, to force him further inside of me. He pressed his lips against mine, and I opened my mouth; that's when my orgasm hit. I could tell he was trying to slow down, and I said, "Finish. I want you to come." He moaned and I felt him throbbing inside me. I stroked his back and shoulders.

"You're fearless," he murmured. "Goddamn warrior."

"Don't ever doubt it, my serpent."

We dried off and moved to the bed, which was less apt to leave tile marks imprinted on my ass. He spread my thighs and showed me how much he had missed me. Once I was nothing but a little puddle of pleasure, another thorough fucking, my wrists tied to the bed.

Snuggling came after putting some ointment on my rope burns.

“My love,” I said, resting my head on his chest, “Where were you going? When he stole you from me?”

“You were still asleep- and I knew the day before was rough, so- I was going to the bakery.” He snorted. “I thought that's the sort of thing people in love do? You literally walked through hell for me. I was going to buy you a pastry."

I shrugged. “It amounts to the same thing.”

  
  



End file.
